Scientists and other rabble will have you believe that we have risen from the lowly animals by means of natural selection. Religious nutcases in the opposite corner will have you believe we were created in God's image. And apparently there is Intelligent Design whose advocates don’t even seem able to decide which shoe goes on which foot.

Let’ s review each of these positions based on observing reality and the key component that drives both – I am of course talking about female breast size.

For the natural selection camp, intelligence, the ability to adapt, ability to use tools and so on has been bandied around as important driving forces for mankind’s rise to evolutionary fame. Fact is though that nothing was further away from the average male stone-age man as he looked for his wife to be. His key concern was the size of her breasts. This has caused the average breast size to increase over the millennias until some women can hardly walk without toppling over as a result. We are not much better nowadays and have turned to surgical means where evolution has let us down.

So let me explain what this means. We’ve developed as an intelligent species by hunting large breasts! Does that sound like a solid scientific theory? Is that our recommendation to all other animals that hasn’t made it as far? Develop a breast fixation? I don’t think so.

This seems to validate God and religion, or at least Fisher-Price logic does (invalidate you opponents argument and your argument turns inexplicably into unassailable truth). But God and his worldly minions have the same problem. It is obvious that we have an insane breast fixation and it has to come from somewhere. My bet is that God himself is a tit-being and when he created us in his image, we ended up the way we are. I’ve asked representatives from the different religions about this, but none seem to be willing to accept that God is the source of this particular human trait.

So it seems we are at an impasse. Evolution seems very improbable as breast size as a natural selection shouldn’t have evolved mankind to the point they invented iPods. At the same time, religions refuse to accept God as a tit-obsessed being – though they are happy to accept the iPods as a divinely inspired invention.

Hmm…I’ve just disproved both evolution and creationism in one single blog using breasts as my logical linchpin. How about proving that the universe was created from a Twinkie based on dogs’ ability to lick their balls?

Yeah...I think that could open a whole new field in science – or at least in religion.

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